i want it all?

one of the things i have always had the hardest time doing is focusing on the one thing that i REALLY want to do.  well, maybe i dont have a hard time doing it, but it comes with a lot of decsion making and reasoning.  i try to look down the road and decide if i will still be happy with a decision four years from now.  i try to look back at decisions i have made and see if i am still in a good place with those decisions.

i look at my life now, and am so grateful for decisions i've made, the reasons, i've made them, and where they have taken me.  i, like most people, am always trying to improve myself, my surroundings, my life.  it takes constant effort. i stop doing things i need to do, start doing things i want to do, and before i know it, i am backtracking to the things i needed to do that have piled up and are now blocking my way to where i want to be.

i am not married. i do not have kids (of my own).  i dont have a retirement plan.  i dont have traditional investments.  in this moment, i dont think i ever will.  in this moment, i'm okay with it.

swimming, falling, who knows the difference?

Haven't you seen me sleepwalking? 
Cause I've been holding your hand 
Haven't you noticed me drifting? 
Oh let me tell you, I am 

Tell me it's nothing 
Try to convince me 
That I'm not drowning 
Oh let me tell you, I am 

Please, please tell me you know 
I've got to let you go 
I can't help falling out of love with you 

Why am I feeling so guilty? 
Why am I holding my breath? 
Worried about everyone but me 
And I just keep losing myself 

Tell me it's nothing 
Try to convince me 
That I'm not drowning 
Oh let me tell you, I am 

Please, please tell me you know 
I've got to let you go 
I can't help falling out of love with you 

Won't, won't you read my mind? 
Don't you make me lie here 
And die here 

Please, please tell me you know 
I've got to let you go 
I can't help falling out of love with you 
With you 

Haven't you noticed? I'm sleepwalking