why is trust so hard?

i want to do it...but i just never feel like i am getting it to the extent that i really. need. it.  in this day and age of digital relationships no one really has to work any harder than becoming facebook friends or obtaining a phone number to ignite what in the olden days would very much be considered a relationship with someone.  friends on facebook means you can secretly message one another and exchange whatever naughties you so desire....and all the while....no one else has to know about it unless they happen upon your secret digital code that unlocks that silent but devastating universe you created on the interweb.  and don't get me started on text messaging.  i love it because i hate verbal phone conversations as i am usually an "i just have one question" girl and could give a shit about your day, what you are wearing...your lunch or your plans later.....  but when used to develop secret flirtations that would otherwise be impossible due to location, scheduling, and lack of actual face to face...voice on voice interactions...i have to admit i find it cowardly and a safe but unsafe way of "cheating" if you will.

now let me clarify.  i am in the midst of an open relationship....one that i love being in.  but deciding when the honesty comes is not entirely up to me.  and it is massively frustrating at times.  when attempting to have a conversation and being interrupted by a text that gets answered for whatever reason before mine....and i am standing right in front of you....it is frustrating....and feels rude. 

here is my theory....on open relationships...time apart....the honesty that goes with....and all things i cannot control................ open requires unjust and untimely honesty.  open requires massive amounts of tolerance that the average Joe/Jane can rarely achieve.  and open requires...........first and foremost....fair play.  you can never do something that you would not be okay with the opposing party doing.  ever.  period.  no matter how tempting.  no matter how "okay".....if you would be bothered receiving the same news....its not a good idea.

the difficulty:  when one is willing to accept something that you would never do...for your own personal reasons....

the aftermath:  usually sadness followed by the realization that this is part of the territory you are in. 

with freedom comes great responsibility.  as an American....freedoms mean following law.  in a relationship.... freedom means willingness to fall in line with what you wouldn't do but what the other side would.  right or wrong?  who the hell knows.  good or bad....who really cares...  but for me....the life i choose.

my "indiscretion" are few.  my "infidelity" even more sparse.  but my love....oh my love..... so deep it runs.  and even through tears....i feel nothing but blessed.